Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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