Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
