For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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