i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
