____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
