I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
