Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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