did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize