Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
