I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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