he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
