I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
