come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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