Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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