the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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