He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
