never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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