i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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