i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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