im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
