WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
