Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
