butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
