Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
