What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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