there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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