this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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