i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
