It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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