You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
