Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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