my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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