Me. At least after what I've been through.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
