had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My balls are so social today.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
