i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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