i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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