I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
