I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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