I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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