When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
