And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
