My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
