escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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