People with herpes should wear stickers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Couch. On fire.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
