mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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