don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
