just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize