You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
