I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
