nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
