New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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