im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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