I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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