I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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