Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
