My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
