i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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