Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
