Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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