why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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