Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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