We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
