Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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