if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
