this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
