its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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