So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
