My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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