1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
