I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize