i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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