he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
