Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
