So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
