I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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