There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
