YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
