sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
