so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize