When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
