I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
