There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
