Do you still have your period?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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