I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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