Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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