So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How external is "for external use only"?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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