i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So apparently I’m into choking now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
