DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
