and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
