the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
