I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
