Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
