Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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