Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize