haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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