Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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